apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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