i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
