So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
