bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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