somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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