I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
