Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
