never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
