Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
