She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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