You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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