he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
