Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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