no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
