My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
