i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
