I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
