New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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