3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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