dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she woke up with a sticky ear
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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