The maid of honor just puked.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.