I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We had to coat check the pizza.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
