Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there was a trapeze. enough said
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.