I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
