it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick