my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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