hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize