we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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