Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
