Ambien. No doubt about it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
