i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
bring money and cleavage
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
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