Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
