last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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