in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
