It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
