Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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