ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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