Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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