If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
