Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
