Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wish my penis had a tongue
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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