i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
