if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
