the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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