I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
