I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
