It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
