i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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