i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
