he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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