i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
