He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
