Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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