2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
