guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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