his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
3 2 1 whiskey
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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