FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
