Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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