I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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