In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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