Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
