So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
