areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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