You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize