I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
