did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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