Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
