i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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