i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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