Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
