Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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