So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
