As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
