How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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