Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
