i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
