I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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