I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
