Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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