Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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