Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
