I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
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she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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