it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
